House of fun
- The Stormont Story (BBC1)
- Loyalists (BBC2)
- Eurosong 99 (RTE1)
- The Lakes (BBC1)
Probably the most difficult aspect of the Good Friday Agreement to
swallow for many unionists, is the sight of ``unreconstructed
terrorists taking over our house'', sharing power is bad enough as is
the demobilisation of their private security firm, the RUC, but the
sight of Shinners in suits on the steps of Orangeville is a sight too
ghastly for some.
Belfast Castle was about as far as any republican ever got, and that
was usually behind the bar, but the confident swagger of Shinners as
they demand their cabinet seats has been galling for some and one
wonders if this may be a factor in Trimble's obstruction of last
Wednesday's deadline.
The Stormont Story on BBC1, showed footage of days when Stormont was
a mini Westminster and unionist ``Prime Ministers'' strutted about in
horse drawn carriages, nationalists had boycotted the first elections
leaving a total of four, including two independent unionists on the
opposition benches.
This scenario continued uninterupted for fifty or so years as Captain
Austin Ardill reminds us - ``When we had Stormont the country ran very
well - good luck to the nationalists - we had the majority?''
Although this documentary glosses over much of the malaise of the
sectarian state, much of what was shown was an eye-opener to many,
nationalists hopelessy excluded and discriminated against created
their own infrastructure of ``church, GAA etc'' while Craig and
Brookeborough happily went about gerrymandering and the like.
We are reminded of the hopeless preparation for the German
bombardment of World War 2, due to years of corruption,and the only
amendment ever accepted by the government in Stormont - that of the
Wild Birds Act of 1929!
``The halcyon days'', says Lady Faulkner, ``were numbered after the
introduction of free secondary education in 1947'', and the subsequent
rise of Bernadette and many other confident Catholics, and the mailed
fist response of Stormont, spurred on by yours truly - ``we threw
snowballs at O'Neill'', Paisley.
What is important to remember is that while much of this is old hat
to us, to many it is history that has been denied them.
Harry West, Unionist MP, tells us of ``tears in our eyes as Heath
closed down us running our own show'' . In 1972 as Stormont collapsed
and the Sunningdale Strikes when North/South Ministries were used as
an excuse when the ``real objection was to power sharing'', MP's got up
on tables and spat on each other - ministers were beaten up and MP's
engaged in free for all fisticuffs - they mustn't have discovered
shaving cream back then!
We are taken through Stormont's other unsuccessful house parties when
half the guests didn't show up and Jim Prior's farcical 1982 Assembly
which later became ``a shouting shop for unionists''.
Garret Fitzgearald finally admits what the rest of us have always
known ``Margeret Thatcher doesn't have too much empathy for those
outside Southern England'' and Tom King tells us ``they tried to beat
me up'' and peter Brooke's, whose talks ``were the most boring thing
ever'' infamous statement ``Britain has no strategic or otherwise
interest in Ireland'' whether they have or not, they're still here and
the latest Stormont house party, which has yet to allow all guests to
the dinner table, may or may not prove the SDLP's Hugh Logue's
Sunningdale forecast of `74 that ``this is but a vehicle for a united
Ireland''.
Peter Taylor's ``Loyalists'' finally told us some home truths, though
fleetingly, of state support and collusion in loyalists killings,
Bobby Philpott UVF chief - ``all branches of the security forces -
UDR/RUC/Army assisted - I was getting that many documents I didn't
know what to do with them - where they lived, safe houses, even the
colour of their socks - the degree of assassinations would not have
been possible without them''. During this period (1989-94) of ``leaks''
146 catholics were shot dead - which in any other state there would
be a resultant outcry by the media.
The deeply flawed series is concluded by the loyalist assertions ``I
think the union is safe - we've played a great part in it'' - ie.
Greysteel, Loughisland was ``a major factor'' in the IRA calling it a
day'', and a toothless yobbo ranting how he'd love ``to rip out the
throat of a Falls Road fenian bastard - Taylor tells us that ``the
other side also has sectarian songs'' - what songs exactly he
conveniently omits to mention, but we're used to innacurate
reporting.
The Eurovision is always great for a slagging - who remembers
Brotherhood of man and Save All your Kisses and their nice bums and
Johnny ``I'm big in Turkey'' Logan? Pat Kenny was up to his usual
antics on RTE - the show is so out of date it may soon come back into
fashion, fortunately Ireland didn't win it last year, the ultimate
accolade going to Israel who have their very own Dana - they deserve
both in light of their atrocious human rights record. This ``musical
feast'' was comprised of a motley crew of overweight soccer players
with leather jackets and wavy Cliff Richard hair do's singing their
ooh-oohs! and aah-aahs!, and bouncy booby women caked in make-up. My
own favourite being Prionsias and the classic ``Bon-Bon-car'', ``Is mise
an fear leis an bon-bon-car which translates as ``I am the man with
sweeties in my good car.'' Sure where would you be going?
The Lakes (BBC1) in contrast is comprised of all sorts of nasty
characters, rapists, adulterating priests, sadistic chefs and other
low lifes of this scenic Yorkshire village - as we recall in horror
at these ghastly creatures, us country folk must admit to the seedy
underbelly that exists in most rural parishes - the local pervert,
wife swappers, dog lovers, poitin smugglers and the like - and they
think they knew it all above in Dublin!
By Sean O Donaile