Republican News · Thursday 12 December 2002

Budget Day and the Dáil Bar

There is a scene in Star Wars shortly before Luke and Obi Wan meet Han Solo for the first time. The two are standing on a cliff overlooking Mos Eisley and Obi Wan informs young Luke that 'You will never find a greater hive of scum and villainy. We must be careful.' Wise though he might have been, Obi Wan clearly never visited the Dáil bar on Budget Day.

A seething mass of politicians, hacks, hangers-on, spouses and supporters infested the place. Briefly, Sinn Féin staff, arriving for the last 30 minutes following a shattering 14-hour day, contemplated adjourning somewhere else but a free table was spotted and with what the tabloids would probably have called 'military efficency', the table was captured and held for the Republic.

Frankly, it had been clear for some time that many of the government TDs, especially the backbenchers, had been putting it away. One or two of them sounded somewhat the worse for drink, according to Sinn Féin publicity people who had been monitoring the airwaves and one minister's confusion in the Dáil Chamber may have owed something to the pleasures of the grape.

The debate on the Budget had begun eight hours earlier, with Charlie McCreevy addressing the House, outlining which particular groups were to get screwed over the most.

Across the chamber, Richie Bruton frantically typed numbers into a calculator and attempted to make sense of McCreevy's figures. The Fianna Fáil TDs were fairly muted, with the exception of a loud cheer greeting Charlie's decision to extend mortgage relief for first-time buyers. Perhaps later, when they did their sums, they realised that with VAT increases and the abolition of the first-time buyers' grant, house prices will still go up.

Bruton's response wasn't bad as these things go. Bearing in mind he had minutes to come up with a coherent response to a speech McCreevy's people had spent months working on, he didn't do half bad, even if having Enda Kenny next to him meant he couldn't appear completely credible.

Following this, Joan Burton rose in what can only have been a predetermined alliance with McCreevy to kill the debate. The monotonous, almost hypnotic, brays from the Dublin West TD echoed about the rapidly emptying Chamber as TDs trampled each other to escape. Sadly, not even her own parliamentary party, obliged to attend, could last it and eventually Joe Sherlock fell asleep, a position deeply envied by many watchers.

Happily, Joe was rescued shortly after by Kathleen Lynch nudging him awake as Joan moved into what seemed to be the third hour of a 45-minute speech. Years of attending Stickie Ard Fheiseanna held to Joe as he stuck out the rest of it with a fixed stare before a relieved Labour group headed for the bar.

Following the Green Party's Dan Boyle, Caoimhghín, fresh from spending the afternoon on RTÉ's Budget coverage, had his turn, defining McCreevyism 'as rewarding one's friends from the toil of others while maintaining the pretence that one cares for all'. He took the government to task for its record on inequality and the poor. He also explained where Sinn Féin believed the needed finances could come from, something others notably failed to do.

Despite all those rumours of backbench rebellion, Fianna Fáil TDs were tripping over themselves to praise the Budget. One TD informed the House that pensioners would be very grateful to the government for increasing their pensions by €10 a week which, with inflation and VAT increases, may buy a loaf of bread extra a week. Gratitude? Try furious anger.

The tax increase on alcopops was broadly welcomed across the board, but Fianna Fáil's Conor Lenihan couldn't let Budget Day go by without making an ass of himself and informed the House that the increase meant the young people of Ireland would surely learn that 'a pint of plain was the only man'. And Conor still doesn't understand why Bertie won't make him a Minister.

Meanwhile, the Sinn Féin Press Office had just sent Arthur Morgan onto Newztalk to fight the good fight. He was joined shortly afterwards by Fiona (daughter of Dessie) O'Malley, who informed the bemused audience that the government elected in May was not the same government as was in power for the previous five years.

For a moment, people in Fine Gael must have wondered if they'd actually won and merely failed to notice but sadly, Fiona was just confused.

d so another Budget Day came to a close in Leinster House. The legislation necessary for it will keep TDs busy all this week and some of them may even earn their Christmas break this year. As for the Sinn Féin team, it's clear they're settling in, feeling comfortable contributing in the Dáil, often amid heckles, rather than in the Dáil bar, surrounded by yes men.

BY R ASCAL (with apologies to James Connolly)