Republican News · Thursday 21 December 2000

[An Phoblacht]

The 5th Column Xmas Quiz

1. Which sectarian supremacist organisation sent its leader to the Orient to lecture the Chinese on human rights?

a) Ku Klux Klan

b) British National Party

c) Orange Order

d) Loyalist Volunteer Force

2. Where is ex-Fianna Fáil TD Liam Lawlor answering questions?

a) The Weakest Link

b) Who Wants to be a Millionaire?

c) The Price is Right

d) The Flood Tribunal

3. Which British Army regiment escaped sanction for parading with a Drumcree flag of the Orange Order?

a) The Black Watch

b) The Blues and Royals

c) The Green Howards

d) The Royal Irish Regiment

4. Where did Fianna Fáil TD Liam Lawlor cash a cheque in somebody else's name for 38,000?

a) Across a pub counter in Inchicore

b) European Investment Bank

c) Numbered secret Swiss bank account

d) Ansbacher offshore account hidden in the Cayman Islands

5. Of whom did pop poppet Samantha Mumba say: ``She couldn't discover a fart in a paper bag''?

a) Posh Spice

b) Twink

c) Sinead O'Connor

d) Martine McCuthcheon

6. Who claimed they couldn't afford shares in Eircom but took a director's cut and sat back and watched while pensioners shovelled their savings into the plummeting stock?

a) Eircom boss Alfie Kane

b) Public Enterprise Minister Mary O'Rourke

c) Fianna Fáil TD Liam Lawlor

d) Labour TD Dick Spring

7. Which religious figure met Austrian far-right leader Jorg Haider?

a) Father Ted

b) Sister Sinead O'Connor

c) Pope John Paul II

d) Reverend Ian Paisley

8. Who told an asylum seeker that their application was ``a load of pants''

a) Jack Straw

b) Jorg Haider

c) John O'Donoghue

d) William Hague

9. Which of these offences can you commit and still be welcomed back into the British Army?

a) Passing dud cheques

b) Smoking cannabis

c) Selling stolen government property

d) Killing nationalists in the Six Counties

10. Which Hollywood star was reported have given 20,000 to Cathal Goulding of the self-styled `Official IRA' in 1970?

a) Richard Harris

b) Peter O'Toole

c) Gene Kelly

d) Orson Welles

11. Which comedian said they wouldn't mind being a TD - but only for Sinn Féin?

a) Brendan Howlin

b) Brendan O'Carroll

c) Brendan Grace

d) Brenda O'Donoghue

12. Which TV star comedian met Michael Stone when the Milltown killer visited London last month? And which West End nightclub owner welcomed the loyalist death squad leader into his lap-dancing sleaze-pit?

13. Who does RUC godfather Ronnie Flanagan bed down with when he visits Dublin's fair city?

14. What do the PDs call leader Mary Harney behind her back?

15. Who told this year's annual DUP conference: ``South Antrim today, Czechoslovakia, Poland and the World tomorrow.''

16. Who didn't line out for an RUC dinner when he couldn't manage the public outrage?

17. Who confirmed An Phoblacht's exclusive revelations in 1983 that British Intelligence ran Spanish holiday `honey-traps' to recruit informers from the Six Counties?

18. Which Belfast informer protected by the British state was wanted for not paying child maintenance?

19. Which tout was such a pain for his British police inspectors that when he went out for a walk they locked the door and wouldn't let him back in the station.

20. Who put in a claim for damages because their job was giving them earache?

21. Which high society Dublin dame wrote in The Sunday Times: ``Billions of pounds were stolen from the country, siphoned off into offshore accounts or used to fund lavish lifestyles.''

22. Which famous British poet was named by Channel 4 as a British Intelligence spy in Dublin who escaped death because an IRA Intelligence Officer like his poems?

23. Who said in May that although they want to get rid of their weapons eventually they won't decommission because there's no problem because they're not pointing them at anybody.

24. Who gave evidence to the Belfast High Court about the Orange Order's Siege of Garvaghy Road ``marching is a sectarian issue''?

25. Which politician pocketed him 35,000 in his birthday suit from the Sunday World after it revealed his naked lark in the park?

Click here for the answers!

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