Radio Days
By Seán O Donaile
- Steam Power (Radio One)
- Reading In The Shade (Radio One)
- The Temptation Game (BBC1)
- Kruger 100 (Nat. Geographic Channel).
``Perhaps it comes in in two hours,
Perhaps it breaks down on the way,
If it does, says the guard, `Be-the-Hokey',
We're here for the rest of the day!''
There's something eerie about driving through Barnesmore Gap in
Donegal at 5.00am with the summer rain and winds lashing the
windscreen, through the old railway pillars, listening to John
Bowman's tales of yore when ``steam engines'' were all the rage in
Ireland.
It's now 300 years since the invention of steam power, which
reached its epoch during the 19th century, powering steam
threshers, mail boats and the rail networks, which was an
essential social and economic web for many living in the West.
Political consciousness was not yet in vogue and today's standard
class passenger was labelled a 3rd class traveller, and if, as
happened on the famous Listowel-Ballybunnion train, there were
times you had to get out and push.
The rail network reached those places others couldn't and were
vital during the Emergency years, which the old drivers are keen
to remind us of - ``trains back then were hard; their likes will
ne'er be seen again''.
Unfortunately a cliff fall in Creeslough was followed by the
closure of the Donegal line, the celebrated West Clare line, and
others. Needless to say, little or none of the old engines were
preserved and another fragment of our heritage is left to memory.
Dubs might think there is little or no TV in the Donegal hills,
and in some cases they are accurate. Starved of TV, video, and
all other forms of modern technology, I was resigned to a
portable wireless, which is currently the excellent ``Reading In
The Shade''.
Pauline McLynn (aka Mrs Doyle of Fr Ted fame) is currently
reading extracts from Roddy Doyle's `The Woman Who Walked Into
Doors', of which yesterday's chapter was a chilling but humorous
indictment of our Secondary School system.
Paula O'Leary's school memories can be identified with by many of
us - dreary classrooms with chewing gum-clad chairs and smelly
desks with some poor sod's initials patiently dug in with a
compass; Feargal O'Meara blowing farts and throwing his boiled
egg sandwiches across the room; soggy corn beef and even soggier
teachers, most of whom showed little or no interest in the less
academic minded-''are ye all thick or what?'' ``What would you
shower know of Archimedes or Aristotle?''
Paula's teachers are either boring old sods - Mr Grimes with his
twenty year old tweed jacket and permanent snot - or ``as mad as
blind dog's shite''.
Naturally enough Paula departs from our education system as soon
as the chance arises and descends into an early life of children
and an early marriage. That and the weather in the North west
forced me to depart for the comfy multi-channel land of North
Dublin, where Angus Deayton was busy taking the proverbial from a
cluster of Irish monks on ``The Temptation Game''.
The ``Registers'' focused on those who refrain from sex, including
the Irish based ``Servants of Love Sect'' who produce videos about
how to resist fornication and its evil allies.
Why they make these videos and who their target audience might be
is a bit of a mystery as is their tendency to all sleep beside
each other in the one room, again resisting the intimate stuff.
Deayton also tackles our weakness for labels, which has gone as
far as four year olds yearning for those Nike runners or those
fifty pound David Beckham tops.
John and Irma Mustoe are at the opposite end of the scale, and
produce a successful ``Penny Pincher'' magazine, which suggests a
number of novel ways of saving a few bob - put your credit card
in a bowl of ice, which will prevent you from that compulsive
purchase; read your local paper in the library for free; hang
your tea bags on the line for a second run; or if you're from
Cavan, eat your dinner in the drawer, so you can close it quickly
if your hungry neighbours pop around!
``Kruger 100'' was a celebration of the innovative South African
Wildlife Park, which contains 16 separate systems, 137 species of
animals, 500 species of bird and 114 reptile types, spread over
five million acres.
The park was established by President Kruger in 1898 and now
contains many hostels and centres spread over the region.
imals can be accessed by car, when you're likely to run into
rhinos or bare bummed baboons or by foot where guards are
necessary.
excellent documentary on the welcome National Geographic
Channel, but I couldn't help thinking, if the South African
Administration had treated their coloured brethren with half as
much compassion, they wouldn't have had to build zoos around
their leafy suburbs.
Tune in for the end of the pill-powered climax to the Tour De
France, which is still a remarkable spectacle, as will be
Kildare's toppling of The Royal.
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