Going downhill
by Sean O Donaile
- The Winter Olympics(Eurosport)
- Later on 2 (Network 2)
- Inside Story (BBC 1)
- Branson's Pickle(BBC 2)
- Blind Date (BatterBurger TV - UTV)
This Winter Olympics lark just ain't fair. Whatever
chance us Irish have of picking up a medal every 30 or
so years at the summer games, we've damm all chance of
winning at the Frozen Games, being staged this year at
Nagano in Japan.
Eurosport is the only channel which lumbers us with The
European Tractor Pulling Chanpionships and such
nonsense, and they've provided wall to wall coverage of
the snowboarders.
Some of the downhill skiing and bobsleighing is
breathtaking but unfortunately the only ski slope we
have is plastic and is located in the nether regions of
County Wicklow.
Snowboarding hit the headlines after the gold medallist
came close to losing his crown after accidentally
inhaling marijuana smoke two weeks ago.
Title for the most ridiculous sport must go to Curling
which involves pushing a mop around an ice rink at a
furious rate, but it may offer us the only chance of
future success, so to those of you who are handy in the
kitchen...
Sport in general has reached saturation point on TV and
none more so than ``football'' which was featured in
Network 2's ``Later on 2'' on Monday last.
This is one of the better efforts on the revamped
station and recent revelations included Caoimhghin O
Caoláin, who readily handled our Man Eoghan Harris and
his cronies.
Back to football, which has become ``the religion of the
90s'' for many and one contributor correctly pointed out
that ``people are strangely more persistent in their
relationships with their teams than with their
partners''.
What person in their right mind would endure a romance
as calamitous as that with Manchester City or
Bohemians?
The contributors catalogued the decline of League of
Ireland from the 1950s when crowds of 30,000 attended
games, until the present day with the majority of fans
switching their allegiances to Merchandise United.
The final nail in the coffin of the game in Ireland
would be the arrival of Wimbledon ,where the renamed
Dublin City could become become English League
Champions!
In the words of one comentator ``get away from the
moneygrabbers and get down to Dalymount''.
As I write Sinn Fein may be homeless, but not quite as
``pissed off''
as fellow evictees Tommy and Crystal , featured in BBC
1's ``Inside Story ``on Tuesday last.
Despite their lowly position in ``society'', Tommy's
pride remains intact - ``we might be scum but we're
decent scum''.
This self respect and determination to escape from
their predicament remains with the couple throughout
this fly on the wall documentary, which portrays one of
the benefits of Thatcherism.
Both have similar backgrounds, and broken
relationships, troubled childhoods and an inadequate
welfare system has had a detrimental impact, causing a
yearning to be cut off from others and a failure to
cope with any responsibilities.
Crystal spends her days injecting methadone and
shoplifting and spends her 18th birthday with a few
extra cans of Special Brew.
We're introduced to fellow Special Brew colleagues, one
eyed Jimmy, Prostitute Janice, and ex Gulf War ``hero''
John, who ``can't forget the atrocities'' - tell that to
Uncle Bill.
Tommy has spent two years on the streets after terms in
prison and states that he has to be careful as ``we
might end up down and out''.
Eventually he does get it together, returning to his
family in Edinburgh for Christmas, where he is joined
by Crystal.
Unfortunately there's no Hollywood ending and the two
go their separate ways.
One suspects Tommy's renewed family ties and support
will prevent a return to Leicester Square.
For Crystal the ball doesn't shine so brightly.
The life expectancy of London's homeless is 42.
other victim of Thatcherism (or of late, ``Blairism'')
has been the
public services, which have been sold for a fraction of
their worth to a handful of ``entrepreneurs''(sic),
including Richard Branson, who got his greasy paws on a
large section of British Rail.
His fortunes or, more accurately, his false promises
were scrutinised in Panorama;''Branson's Pickle'', which
was all too much for the bearded one who ran out of hot
air halfway through an interview, storming out when it
was pointed out to him that under supposed improved
privatisation , train delays have increased by 15%.
Under privatisation we were promised ``the high
performance of the private sector,...a more caring
approach'' and the pickled one promised to make rail
travel ``an exceptional experience''.
Exceptional it has been, with increased prices, poor
punctuality, a lack of information, layoffs and ``a crap
lavatory service'', where the toilets have become frozen
over with frost.
Still the government bankrolls Branson to the tune of
£77 million last year, but the service remains as
reliable as his baloons.
UTV meanwhile, remains the batterburger of television,
and one of its most popular offerings is the abysmal
``Blind Date'' where guests are prompted to utter such
classic answers as ``I'll give you the ride of a
lifetime'' .
Its most recent victim was cauliflower-eared and male
stripogram Bernie from Gweedore , who caused much
anguish among Donegalmen who saw him as a most unfit
ambassador for their county.
It was difficult to decipher whether he was for real or
taking the proverbial, as he informed Cilla that ``I'll
tell you but I never thought I'd see the day when I'd
be goan to Paaa-ras with a beautiful looooking wooman''.
The audience were delighted with the jovial Paddy and
Foster and Allen must now be relieved to be stripped of
their title of most ridiculous looking Irishmen on
British TV.
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