Family, friends and comrades
Republican POW Rosena Brown spoke to Ned Kelly about her gradual
reintegration into the community in the run up to her release
``One of the hardest things,'' said Rosena, ``is the disorientation, new
estates and concrete everywhere. It makes you nervous finding your
way about, never mind the traffic.''
Rosena also spoke of the need to find a routine to replace prison
where ``every hour is accounted for''.
The need to find housing also contributed to a sense of ``drifting''
during Rosena's paroles. Uncertainty and worries over money are
compounded by a bureaucracy that blocks POWs organising benefits or
accommodation before their release.
Rosena sees going and talking to one of the ex-prisoner groups, for
example Tar Anall, as vital. She said, ``I've only just gone for the
first time and it's wiped away a lot of uncertainty about housing and
finance. It gives you a bit more confidence. Also you see that your
fears are no different from anyone else's.''
Former comrades, her family and her partner, who is currently in
Portlaoise, are also important to Rosena. ``They have all really
helped me. I feel the need to be with people who understand exactly
the emotions and feelings. Again it's realising that you're not
isolated and it's easier to share and relate to others who have been
through the same things. But saying that, the community embraces you
and I've made new friends and old friends.''
But, added Rosena, ``I'm on my guard not to offend people and there's
an eagerness to please other people and it's embarrassing not
remembering names when everyone is so friendly and familiar. I'm not
ready to deal with the noise or the crowds. I can't really hear what
people are saying.'' Rosena is deaf in one ear due to an infection the
prison authorities neglected for four and half months.
Rosena's comrades in Maghaberry are also important to her. ``My
comrades felt it was hard for me being a parent, but I felt it was
harder for them being so young and missing out on such an important
part of their life,'' she said.
``What helped me in jail was the fact that my family continued to
support me. The strength and collective strength of my comrades in
Maghaberry was also important. It saw you through everything. When I
had a bereavement they gave me the strength to cope.''
This was a strength the prison authorities were unable to defeat.
``Even within the prison system we moved mountains. The fewer of us
the greater the strength,'' Rosena said.
The initial transition back into the community was difficult. ``It was
different from what I expected. I thought I had it all together but
on my first few paroles I was very nervous and my confidence was
shattered. As time passes things get a little less hectic and it gets
easier. When I'm with people I prefer to let them talk, I don't feel
confident enough to talk about my time in prison or know how to
interact. I'm not sure what they want to talk about but I also feel a
real need for people to sit back and let me talk.''
She added, ``you need to talk. If you push all the dark moments and
thoughts to the back of your head, they will come out or manifest
themselves. People suppress a lot and it has to come out. It also
makes me feel better admitting that I found prison hard.''
The sense of belonging, so central to Irish culture, has also caused
problems for Rosena. She said, ``there's a feeling of not belonging
here or there, maybe when I get out for good it'll have a more stable
effect.''
``Coming back out I feel I'm disrupting the lives of my family and
friends again. The lives of those around me were disrupted when I
went to jail, and then they supported me all the way through it, and
now I'm getting out their lives are being disrupted all over again.''
Rosena hopes to settle down and get to know her grandchildren, born
while she was in prison. She worked as an actress before her arrest
and she wants to get back to the theatre: ``Community theatre more
than anything else, bringing something back to the community.''
![[An Phoblacht]](http://republican-news.org/graphics/title_gifs/aprn.gif)