Getting past the Pearly Gates
By Sean O'Donaile
After advice from a wise old owl I decided to switch my attention
away from Hollywood and Montrose to the good old fashioned
wireless.
Unfortunately Colm Toibín's Travels Along the Irish Border
(Wednesday 7.45pm) was on BBC Radio 4, which is a bit like tuning
into Mars. Amidst the hisses and crackles I could decipher Mary
Nelis talking about the death of the revolutionary tourist in
post-ceasefire Derry and she used to buy 25 bulls eyes for
tuppence.
For those of you with a big aerial there's still a few episodes
left.
I had more luck with John McKenna's excellent and at times
heartbreaking documentary, The Children at the Bottom of the
Garden, (RTE Radio 1, Wednesday, 8.00pm).
The 45 minute programme centred on his memories as a child and
his mother's of the hidden children in 1950's Ireland.
McKenna as a boy failed to understand what ``parents, neighbours
and doctors knew'' but ``nobody ever talked about and kids were
certainly never told''.
Naturally at the time, stillborn children were literally brushed
under the carpet - buried in fields, bogs and gardens and denied
the dignity of a church burial by a Church who told us we were
``all God's children''.
How many of us recall the tales of ``men on bikes with a little
parcel and a shovel'' on their way to burying the body in the bog?
McKenna reminds us that these many little babies scattered across
the country are a ``testament to the cruel hypocrisy of our
church-controlled society''.
We hear of his mother's long months of prayer, putting names and
faces on her unborn only to be shattered by the terrible silence
and ``the limp body on the sheet beside me''.
The father's role was to wrap the body in ``a half torn sheet'',
place it in a handmade box and bury it at the bottom of the
garden, where the ``only bell allowed to ring was that of the
spade''.
To gain some insight into this warped thinking I tuned into RTE
1's Saints and Sinners (Thursday 10.00pm), which deals with the
history of the Popes - although quite informative, it was all a
bit austere and seemed to be filled with monks in churches
singing solemn hymns, while looking at dim grey buildings.
I managed to garner that there used to be a pope by the name of
Galissues, followed by Homistees. During the 5th Century Rome had
been crushed by the Barbarians and a third of its population
killed.
Along came Pope Gregory the Great who kicked ass, rebuilding the
city and providing hospices fo the needy.
By this stage there was no sign of a scandal or one of those
popes with lots of girlfriends, so I switched off the box and
waited for Making the Cut (RTE 1, Sunday), which at first
appeared to glamourise the life of An Garda Siochana but nothing
was further from the truth by the conclusion.
There was a drugs bust ``going down'' and the place was swarming
with Branchmen minus the tweed jackets and wellies.
There mustn't have been any republicans to harass that week and
sure isn't it great to see ``the boys in blue'' doing some real
work, and not running around telling Mammies that their sons and
daughters are ``hanging around with dodgy characters''.
Seán McGinley is the clichéd tough cop, who's ``living with
another woman'' but gets the results, while predictably his ``mate''
is the real bad guy, hanging out with drug dealing executive
types.
Fair play to RTE for their efforts but it's all a bit clichéd.
Speaking of clichés, Provos (BBC 1, Tuesdays) brought us back to
the dockside warehouse, where believe it or not Republicans were
buying guns!
Episode 3 rehashed old tales and merely confirmed what we always
knew - that ``the Anglo Irish Agreement's purpose was to block the
rise of Sinn Féin'' (Garret Fitzgerald).
It also reminds us of some of those horrible stuffed turkeys who
used to ``govern'' - who remembers Tom King, the man who used to
chase sheep?
Questions and Answers (RTE 1 Monday), ain't what it used to be -
no longer do Shinners waste their Mondays drinking wine and
giving out about Section 31; no longer do Seán Marlow and Daithí
Doilin get season tickets; and no longer does Proinsias De Rossa
lose his cool with us.
It was never exactly revolutionary stuff as the politicians were
always given the questions before going on air, but we consoled
ourselves with getting in our comments. They were continually
ignored and patience ran out for Larry O'Toole and co when the
only plug they could get in was on working-class greyhounds.
Last Monday's interviewees did very little to convince us of
their right to pass the President's pearly gates; I once recall
Adi Roche in her pre ``Angel of Chernobyl'' days as a young
energetic radical - unfortunately her most pressing concern now
seems to be ``recycable posters'' and this amazingly seems to be
the most controversial issue in the election as candidates fall
over each other trying to be ``nice''.
I've had enough of the nice people - I'm voting for Johnny Logan,
at least he won the Eurovision more than once!
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