Republican News · Thursday 9 January 1996

[An Phoblacht]

 

The Iceman Cometh

By Sean O'Donaile

Let's face it - there's absolutely nothing to write about on this frosty morn' - most folk have been too full to move themselves over the last fortnight and the most energetic thing is to ask each other; ``How did you get o'er the Christmas?... was it quiet?... Aye... did you drink the big pint?... Aye, quiet it was... t'was quiet... did you get over it alright?'' and other such queries.

There was no sign of the sacred GAA cow and all decent soccer matches were cancelled, unless you count the training session between Merchandise United and Tottenhamly Hopeless, or the Oirlawned v Italy rugby debacle.

Which leads us back to the Iceman, or rather Ireland's first ever ice-skating champion Neil Wilson, who edged out all other competitors in Ireland's only half-decent skating rink in Dundonald. Wilson is from Dundonald, which is a bit unfair on all the other skaters not from Dundonald, as they have to practice on Ireland's only other skating rink in Phibsboro, which is about the size of a small lavatory and has to double up as a carpet warehouse. Then again our only ski slope is in Kiltiernan in Wicklow and it's made of plastic. If you don't live in Kiltiernan and your Mammy doesn't fork out lots of dollars for ski's you have about as much chance of becoming an Olympic Skiing Champ as Prince Charles, though he gets plenty practice.

yway back to Jack Frost - Neil had to complete many different components to defeat his rivals - the triple salchow, the triple axle, the toe loop, the loop and flip, the loop-de-loop and the loopy loo, but it was his spins that set him apart from the other snowmen and brought the crown to Castlereagh, where Peter Robinson announced it as a significant victory over republicanism and that he would have to do lots of loop-de-loops before he talks to Sinn Féin. Anyway, fair play to ye' Neil and I hope this boosts An Phoblacht sales at the rinkside.

 

As for Celtic, what can one say, except they're all agin' us - the ref, the luck, the ball, God. I had the misfortune to witness Eric The Red doing the damage, in a packed Donegal pub, where one Celt sobbed uncontrollably for over an hour. When he goes home he'll have to persuade that hero of the working class Dermot Desmond to part with a few of the millions he's made from investing in Celtic, and buy one or two more quality players to complete the jigsaw.

Then Celtic and Rangers can start their own league and play each other 36 times a year and leave East Fife, Cowdenbeath and the other ``make up the numbers'' teams to their own devices. That way someone else besides Rangers could win a trophy and Celtic would win at least three or four Old Firm derbies each season. I think I'm walking on thin ice here - see you on the slopes!

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