The 5th Column Xmas Quiz
1. Which sectarian supremacist organisation sent its leader to
the Orient to lecture the Chinese on human rights?
a) Ku Klux Klan
b) British National Party
c) Orange Order
d) Loyalist Volunteer Force
2. Where is ex-Fianna Fáil TD Liam Lawlor answering
a) The Weakest Link
b) Who Wants to be a Millionaire?
c) The Price is Right
d) The Flood Tribunal
3. Which British Army regiment escaped sanction for parading
with a Drumcree flag of the Orange Order?
a) The Black Watch
b) The Blues and Royals
c) The Green Howards
d) The Royal Irish Regiment
4. Where did Fianna Fáil TD Liam Lawlor cash a cheque
in somebody else's name for £38,000?
a) Across a pub counter in Inchicore
b) European Investment Bank
c) Numbered secret Swiss bank account
d) Ansbacher offshore account hidden in the Cayman Islands
5. Of whom did pop poppet Samantha Mumba say: ``She couldn't
discover a fart in a paper bag''?
a) Posh Spice
c) Sinead O'Connor
d) Martine McCuthcheon
6. Who claimed they couldn't afford shares in Eircom but took
a director's cut and sat back and watched while pensioners
shovelled their savings into the plummeting stock?
a) Eircom boss Alfie Kane
b) Public Enterprise Minister Mary O'Rourke
c) Fianna Fáil TD Liam Lawlor
d) Labour TD Dick Spring
7. Which religious figure met Austrian far-right leader Jorg
a) Father Ted
b) Sister Sinead O'Connor
c) Pope John Paul II
d) Reverend Ian Paisley
8. Who told an asylum seeker that their application was ``a
load of pants''
a) Jack Straw
b) Jorg Haider
c) John O'Donoghue
d) William Hague
9. Which of these offences can you commit and still be
welcomed back into the British Army?
a) Passing dud cheques
b) Smoking cannabis
c) Selling stolen government property
d) Killing nationalists in the Six Counties
10. Which Hollywood star was reported have given £20,000 to
Cathal Goulding of the self-styled `Official IRA' in 1970?
a) Richard Harris
b) Peter O'Toole
c) Gene Kelly
d) Orson Welles
11. Which comedian said they wouldn't mind being a TD - but
only for Sinn Féin?
a) Brendan Howlin
b) Brendan O'Carroll
c) Brendan Grace
d) Brenda O'Donoghue
12. Which TV star comedian met Michael Stone when the Milltown
killer visited London last month? And which West End nightclub
owner welcomed the loyalist death squad leader into his
13. Who does RUC godfather Ronnie Flanagan bed down with when
he visits Dublin's fair city?
14. What do the PDs call leader Mary Harney behind her back?
15. Who told this year's annual DUP conference: ``South Antrim
today, Czechoslovakia, Poland and the World tomorrow.''
16. Who didn't line out for an RUC dinner when he couldn't
manage the public outrage?
17. Who confirmed An Phoblacht's exclusive revelations in 1983
that British Intelligence ran Spanish holiday `honey-traps' to
recruit informers from the Six Counties?
18. Which Belfast informer protected by the British state was
wanted for not paying child maintenance?
19. Which tout was such a pain for his British police
inspectors that when he went out for a walk they locked the door
and wouldn't let him back in the station.
20. Who put in a claim for damages because their job was
giving them earache?
21. Which high society Dublin dame wrote in The Sunday Times:
``Billions of pounds were stolen from the country, siphoned off
into offshore accounts or used to fund lavish lifestyles.''
22. Which famous British poet was named by Channel 4 as a
British Intelligence spy in Dublin who escaped death because an
IRA Intelligence Officer like his poems?
23. Who said in May that although they want to get rid of
their weapons eventually they won't decommission because there's
no problem because they're not pointing them at anybody.
24. Who gave evidence to the Belfast High Court about the
Orange Order's Siege of Garvaghy Road ``marching is a sectarian
25. Which politician pocketed him £35,000 in his birthday suit
from the Sunday World after it revealed his naked lark in the
Click here for the answers!